A Thought: Times drastically change- Why just this post, I was happy and now a little sober- the man, Leonard Nimoy, who played Mr.Spock (always thinking of him when thinking of Spock) passed away yesterday at 89 of old age. Sad, but it happens to us all…(At least it was old age and not suicide, or an accident or murder.).
So, I have always thought I wanted to do law. Be in law, a lawyer. Now, I know some parts of the world do it differently: where I am, the UK, it’s still old fashioned (though, tips out, that might not stay this way for much longer.). What that means is instead of Attorneys you have Barristers or Solicitors. I wanted to be a Barrister, for criminal law. At least to start out with. And this was all for -don’t laugh at me- my dream. My dream, my goal, whatever you want to call it- becoming a lawyer and becoming established was a means to an end- my dream.
That wasn’t the only reason- why, no- but it was the beginning one. I also feel very…conscientious of the gender situation and ethnic situation at least in the UK. Being both female and ethnic, I understand the awesome-ness of this (also being one of my generation in my family to i. attend university and the first to ii. become a lawyer- a Barrister). I was an English Lit student; I learnt the information and loved the Gothic. So I’m aware.
But also, because I come from a bad background/home situation. (Sounds typical, I know) I’m not throwing that around out there, no, I’m keeping that motivation quite quiet and to-the-chest, and by Gosh, if I actually get into Law I will use the knowledge and experience -unpleasant, painful sometimes- horrible as it was to acquire…
(side-story: in history class, we were studying James I of England and IV of Scotland, just learnt about how his father murdered his mother’s confidant, how his mother abdicated and was out of the picture, how his father was a jerk and was -essentially- assassinated by his mother…and then he got to see his grandfather in the process of dying. Brutally.
So, anyway: we had just learnt the ‘context’ for King James I, and the teacher asked us what we thought James’ attitude and personality would be as a person and King, as a result of these early childhood experiences. I understood and told him, because it was obvious to me, perfectly reasonable: he’d be a peace-loving King and person. Soft, but not bad. It did not even occur to me that this was hard to understand and figure out, or that I was right; I was. The teacher and the whole class went quiet and he asked me how I knew that. Someone had skimmed the textbook in the back and called out I’d read ahead, I must have. But I hadn’t. I said it made sense. I found it difficult to explain how I knew, rather than I just did, but kind of settled on :
A child who has experienced violence in person/nearby, it’s a very personal thing, so of course King James wouldn’t be the kind of King out to ‘claim the promised land’ Jerusalem, or think battle or war ‘glorious’; he’d want there to be no more people out there who lose someone close to them like that, because of senseless violence. Or at least not be the one in charge of the violence. He’d maybe be more opulent, more giving in the things he had to show affection and show gratitude. This lesson showed me that somethings, some understandings, that I took for granted are much more difficult for others.)
So I gained a better understanding that my perceptions into peoples behaviours and motivations was a little better than average. But anyways, the reason that my background is a motivation for me is this: I simply find it more feasible for someone who has witnessed and experienced or been around the ‘themes'( that feels wrong somehow, to call them ‘themes’ as if they’re in a book, less meaningful even) to have a knack- or be able through some deduction (because I’m not one to just judge; IF I do, I will back it up!) skills(of which, I do have…) to know when someone’s fibbing/hiding stuff/laying it on thick, and when they’re genuine. Or made the mistakes and do want to change. Or are around people who made the mistakes but weren’t involved though there’s a red cross on their chests proclaiming them guilty or whatever (and yes, this still happens: I was shocked, two years ago, to find out people can be held for a long long time on nothing. They shouldn’t be and yes, I was baying about suing those cheats, but it happened and those involved were helpless). So you can imagine a strong sense of what’s right and wrong grew from this.
Unlike some barristers I want to be able to follow my moral compass. I will not compromise. I won’t. There are some things in life that, at the end, I’ll want to be able to say I kept. This is one of them. If I can find a way to do this, and still work in the Courts, then great. I won’t worry about anything else.
Now, I’m not saying I won’t become a lawyer yet. I’m saying I’m deciding, which is a big deal: I am genuinely considering other options, other means to achieve what I want (personal and work goals, and the dream) and enjoy/mostly enjoy whilst I’m at it. Or not stress so much.