Pick up the Pieces; On-wards and Upwards…

Hey, Journal.

 

So. Yesterday I was well enough to pick up my results. Got home and read them. They were not good (not that I was expecting that they would be). I’m still…absorbing.

I’m doing better than could have been expected. Last time I got bad results it took me almost a year to fully deal (long story) and get over it, proper. Anyyyways. This here, is a bit of a negative-nelly of a post.

I have three -now two- People To Tell (whom I must). One by one, I will. I will not be ashamed too much.  So, I just told my sister(in law) that they were Bad. I’m retaking. And she was cool, hid any response other than you know, feeling bad for me. But she kept pointing out how, hey, maybe apprenticeships are the way forward for me!

 

Maybe I’m not a study-and-exam kinda girl.

 

Which I feel is important (so I’m recording it here); if it’s truely my choice to do so, then yeah.  If not, then this can be motivation towards people maybe-possibly thinking me unable to do well in exams. Hey, it could work, and push me when I’m low on energy (yk, when you have silent, secret pep-talks to yourself, in your head, or even ALOUD- saying where you wanna go, why you wanna go there, The Dream- and of course, all you’ve overcome, to get to where you are. Then. Then I shall see this and be Renewed. Hopefully).

 

So that’s why it’s here! Personally, I don’t think that apprenticeships are the way forward for me, but you know what? Im gonna really have a look-see anyway. MAYBE They are a Better Investment. Maybe they’re not the way to go.

But I think I’m gonna retake (cos HELL NO, Wait a minute. Too. Many. People DO NOT think I can do this. AND I CAN. WATCH ME. RAWWWR.) with my own money, thankyouverymuch. But in the long run it could be cooler. We shall see. They’re not bad, and I could go into a whole lecture of this, prooving to any poor soul stumbling across this rant that I truely think this -because I DO-, but I don’t have the Time atm (her husband, my bro and Dad could stumble in at ANY MOMENT.)

I just know I want GOOD DARN GRADES, THAT I DESERVE AND WILL NOT HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY.

BECAUSE, MINI-ME- SHE WOULD KICK. MY. ASS (OhMyWordISAIDThatWord!)…If she ever thought I was GIVING UP, not on my own DARN terms, but on

SOMEONE (s) ELSE’S.

 

It’s just not done.

AND I HAVE GIVEN TOO MUCH, DEDICATED TOO MUCH. ONLY TO HAVE ‘OKAY’ GCSE’S….AND CRAP, A LEVELS. NOT HAPPENING.

 

 

We’ll see how this goes (And, future Nami, IF YOU SEE THIS : Get a grip. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE. Proove yourself. Do it. Don’t think; you’re here, at this moment, looking at this PEP TALK, because you are OVER THINKING IT. Trust  Me, I’ve been there more recently than You have, hun. Just do work. Remember: You have goals to accomplish, you’ve covered miles on your own, and even more with the occassional boost from a friend or two. IF YOU DO NOT accomplish your Dream( and eventual -s’)….who will? How long til it happens? Huh? So, just go for it. PUSH YOURSELF PAST THE BLOOMIN’ WALLS YOU HAVE SET UP. YOU ARE SMART, CLEVER SOMETIMES, AND DARN CREATIVE AND WEIRD. YOU CAN DO THIS. Go!!! )

 

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